Monday, March 15, 2010

It is well with my soul

These past few weeks have been filled with many emotions. I hope that by writing about the recent experience I have had, that I can be an encouragement to others.

In early February, Q and I found out we were expecting a little one. Because I had already lost a baby, I didn't know how excited I should be. The timing seemed just right; for the first time in a long time, I was content with however God would give us a child. But, two weeks later, I found myself in the doctor's office because things just didn't seem right. After a couple tests, he concluded that I had an ectopic pregnancy. The way to remove the baby from my only tube was to have an injection. He was hopeful and said that I could come in after the weekend to double check if I had a baby in my uterus. That night, I began having some pain and bleeding, so the next day, Q and I went to the Emergency Room. Although I wasn't very far along, we didn't want to take any chances with what could happen if the pain or bleeding increased. The doctors there confirmed the same thing, so we went ahead with the injection. I cried off and on with Q at my side. 

Although I was trying to be "cautious" with my excitement when I found out I was pregnant, I really wanted this baby to be okay. I wanted to be a mother this year. But God had another plan for this baby and He has a different plan for us.

Now I have two babies in Heaven. They are rejoicing with God. Some day I will see them, hug them and will not want to let go. 

Physically, I'm doing well. Because having an ectopic pregnancy increases the chances of having another one, I'm not sure what the future holds for me. Emotionally, it's still hard. Some days, I feel just fine, but when the tears come, they last a couple days at a time. It was really hard at first to be motivated to do things around the house, but I'm getting better with that. You may have noticed that I haven't blogged as much or that I haven't done a lot of crafting. This is why. I'm in the midst of redoing my to-do lists and praying about what God wants me to do in the days ahead.

I'm grateful for my family and the friends close by who have reached out to me in different ways. They've all prayed. Some have sent cards and made numerous phone calls when I was in the midst of the doctor's visits.

I received this Willow Tree figurine from a college friend this past weekend. It brought me to tears when I opened it. I am glad that I now have something to look at that gives me hope. If I never get to hold my own child here on earth, this is what Heaven will look like for me and my babies.

Finally, I am thankful to God for many things. Without Him, I couldn't be going through this with so much peace and contentment. Sure, it hasn't been always easy, but knowing that God has been with me through this second loss, has helped me so much. Even though it's hard to think of the future right now, I know that God is "able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to they power that worketh in us." (Ephesians 3:20) He's got a great plan for me and Q. I can't wait to find out how all this is going to come out for our good and for His glory. I'm also thankful that the Lord took care of me physically because of the danger associated with this type of pregnancy. God is good all the time. 

One of the songs that has meant a lot to me lately is "It is Well." I video taped myself playing it on the piano. It's still a bit hard to sing, but someday I'll be able to again. 

"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll; 
Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul....

Please keep us in your prayers as we look to God with this area in our lives. We appreciate all of you very much!


Marci said...

This past week Genesis 18;25b has been such an encouragement to me. "Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?"

Read Psalm 57:1,2. ". . . yea in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast.. . ."

As I cry for your heartache, I am rejoicing that you and Quentin are a "platform" upon which the Lord can be glorified. Know I'll be praying. Love to you. M.

Mary Ann said...

I'm so sorry, Theo. As we have gotten older & most of us have married & started families it has become more & more clear to me that healthy babies & mamas are the Lord's business. It's just not that easy for everyone to have a family. I don't assume that it will be easy for me & Mike. But what I do know is that the Lord is in control & that He has a plan. What a comfort! I hope that you feel His comforting presence in the days ahead & that you take things one day at a time. I'll be praying for you. *hugs*

Leah Christine Imagery said...

I am so, so sorry, Mrs. J! ::hugs:: I will be praying for you all. May you sense the Lord's presence very near and dear to you. Know that He has his loving arms wrapped around you, and holds you close to His heart.

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." Ps. 84:11

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness." Isaiah 41:10

"Many times Satan whispered, "There is no need to try, For there's no end of sorrow; There's no hope by and by." But I know Thou art with me, and tomorrow I'll rise Where the storm never darkens the skies. 'Til the storm passes over, 'Til the thunder sounds no more, 'Til the clouds roll forever from the sky, Hold me fast, let me stand In the hollow of Thy hand; Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by."

Tania said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I am thankful that the Lord kept you safe. I will keep praying for you and your husband for strength during this time.

Melissa said...

"I don't understand how You could let this happen. I'm bruised and broken from the storn. I'm hurt and bleeding, Father, and this doesn't make any sense to me at all. I thought You had far different things in store for me.. But no matter what else happens, Lord, don't let this come between You and me! I must have You! Give me the stregth to believe and to hang on through the storm. Hold me close, Father--shelter me from doubts and lies, and let me see Your glory in this situation. All I need is You."
~Amy Carmichael

I know what it is like to experience difficult trials of life like the one you just experienced. I am so thankful to have a heavenly Father who can make it "well with my soul" no matter what circumstances I face! God is so good!

Missy said...

Oh, Theo, that song was beautiful. Thank you for your testimony through the playing of that song. I, too, am very sorry for your loss and will be praying for you and am sending lots of hugs.

Missy said...

P.S. The Willow Tree figurine is beautiful too. What a thoughtful gift. My Mom also likes Willow Tree figures.

Theo-Ann said...

Thanks so much for your prayers and encouragement. God continues to help us during this time.:)

lucasandtracie said...

Theo, I'm so sorry to learn about this. I haven't been on your blog in a while and didn't know about your miscarriages! I hope and pray God will bless you with a child someday soon.

I'm not sure if I told you yet, or if you know that I am expecting and am 14 weeks along. I thank God for the blessing of another child and pray for you to experience it as well.

I love you!

Theo-Ann said...

Thanks, Tracie. I appreciate your prayers. Some days I'm fine, but other days seem hard to bear. We would have expected our little one in mid-October. God is good all the time, so I know He has a special plan for our lives. Will keep you posted...:)