Monday, May 9, 2011

A Mother for Choco

I recently read a book I came across in the children's section at the library. It's called A Mother for Choco and it tells the story of a bird who is looking for a mother. He finds one named Mrs. Bear and they do all sorts of things together. At the end of the story, we find out that Mrs. Bear has taken in other children as her own. She has become their mother.

This book tugged on my heart a bit because of the life-stage I am in. As we have had a few children in our home through foster care, I can see myself as Mrs. Bear. I am taking care of them, having fun with them and nurturing them. Big Brother and Little Brother did see me as Mom but went home to their real mother after a short time. That time hurt so badly, and now a few months later, I still think of them as my kids and it hurts.

Then, almost two months ago, A came to be with us. She knows her real mother and sees her once a week. She sometimes calls me "Mommy Q", a name she made up for me a while back, but knows that I'm not her real mom. It's been a hard couple of weeks as she has been confused with the situation. Inside my heart, I know I'm a mom but sometimes don't think that I am (sometimes because of others' perceptions). Foster parents and other caregivers out there are moms and dads and love and take care of the children placed in their care.

So, yesterday was a day of mixed emotions for me. I wasn't sure if I should stand up when the mothers were acknowledged at church and given a flower. The little girl who we love so dearly already may not see me as her mom (and that's okay), but she did acknowledge this weekend that I was a mom. I got a few awesome notes from family that encouraged my heart. We had a good family day. We went out for lunch with a dear lady from church. We went to the lake and went fishing. We came back home and grilled hot dogs for dinner. Then A went to sleep.

I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but I wished for more. I wanted what lots of mothers get on this special day....the cards, flowers, chocolates, gifts, the acknowledgment on a more personal level. It sounds really weird, but perhaps when a child calls me "Mom" or when we've made it official by adopting it will be that. I am thankful to those who encouraged me and said I really was a mom to A. Like I said before...I know I'm a mom, but because of our unique situation, don't always feel like it.

So, why write all this after Mother's Day? Well, because it's still on my heart, and if you think of it, could use your prayers right now. And, I also wanted to encourage you to thank and acknowledge caregivers, foster parents, legal guardians, etc. on days like this. There are many of us who wish we could have biological children, but are going through the process of adoption. There are some, too, that give and give and give to children year after year unselfishly in different capacities. They are all parents, too.

I hope I didn't sound too weird, selfish, harsh, or anything. I know that Mother's Day is a sensitive topic to many women out there, too, for different reasons. I just hope by writing this I can be an encouragement, ask for prayer, and bring awareness to those who are not the "typical" mom or dad. We all love to be acknowledged, praised and awarded, don't we?:)

If you get a chance, read A Mother for Choco. It is such a cute and awesome story for kids of all ages.


Marci said...

Bless your heart! I can't imagine the hurt. Didn't sound a bit selfish or harsh to me--just real.
For Bible Study tomorrow we are looking at the fact that My God is Strong and My God is Power. Just before I opened this blog note, I typed & read this:
“Everyone has weaknesses. In fact, you have a bundle of flaws and imperfections: physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual.
“Usually we deny our weaknesses, defend them, excuse them, hide them, and resent them. This prevents God from using them the way he desires.”
“A weakness is any limitation that you inherited or have no power to change. It may be a physical limitation; it may be an emotional limitation; or it may be a talent or intellectual limitation. “
“When you think of the limitation in your life, you may be tempted to conclude, "God could never use me." But God is never limited by our limitations. “
“In fact, he enjoys putting his great power into ordinary containers. Like common pottery, we are fragile and flawed and break easily. But God will use us if we allow him to work through our weaknesses." 1. Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life.

I do not know why God has chosen this to be the difficult part of your path but I do know what you know--that He is working all things for our good as long as we will be wholly yeilded to Him. Love you--m. PS--just to encourage you--My cousin & his wife are in their mid-late 40's. They have just found out after at least 15 years--maybe more--of marriage, they are pregnant. They had deemed it as something God did not want for them. They are thrilled and God is the One that's glorified.

wintunancy said...

Don't feel like you are being weird or selfish or harsh talking about all this. Sometimes we just need to vent, so to speak, and you are right to ask people to pray with you about this. I can't imagine doing what you do with fostering children. I am sure it takes a special courage to care and love these kids knowing they may not be with you for only a while. You may never know (here on earth) the impact you have on them, but I am sure their time with you has been a blessing for them. You may also be an encouragement to others going through the same thing, you never know the situations that your readers are living.

PromiseGirl said...

Hi this is Danyelle, from FRBA. I've been following your blog. I love it! This is also a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing your struggles. When we see other peoples struggles its helps us in our own.

I believe you are a mother now and the impact you are making a foster parent is amazing. I have been worked in orphanages and my grandmother was an orphan. Those who care for orphans truly are bless and truly are mothers.

My parents believed for a child for 8 years before I was born. I know God will fulfill your dreams as well. I'm excited to see how he does it for you.

Thanks for sharing :)