Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The desires of our hearts

It's been a year since our baby went to be with Jesus. We had just told our families last Mother's Day that we'd be holding our own child this year. 

Today has been like any other day, but I thought about the events at this time last year. My parents had come out to visit us because of another event to celebrate. Quentin told them that the school yearbook was going to be dedicated to me, so they came out for this special occasion. That same day, I knew something was not right. I was losing my baby. Tears overwhelmed me as my family took me to the doctor to see if things were all right. There was no sign of life inside of my womb. It was only two weeks before, that we saw the plus sign on the pregnancy test. 

Our child has been in Heaven for a year now, and we can't wait to see the one who I named "Sam." The name I chose was significant to me because of the story of Hannah and Samuel in the Bible. She prayed earnestly that the Lord would give her a child and He fulfilled that promise.

This past Mother's Day was hard. As I sat through the morning church service, I wanted to cry. A few sets of parents brought their babies to the stage for a dedication. Quentin and I would have been up there, too, had it not been for the fact that God had other plans for us. Some moms in our church service received roses for different things. One received it for being the oldest mom, another for having the most children, and so forth. There was one rose left at the end of all that. After church, Quentin took it and handed it to me as he kissed my cheek. He knew it was hard for me, and I'm sure he felt something in his heart, too.

The entire day was filled with ministry, so I kept my tears in until that night. Some friends of ours called Quentin to let us know that they had prayed for us that morning. They had been through this waiting time, too. They had gone through the doctor's visits full of questions and tests. But then one day, God gave them a child through adoption. That little boy is such a blessing to them. 

This verse sums up the ministry that they had to us that day:

"Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." II Corinthians 1:4

We were so encouraged by that call from our friends. God has spoken to me about being a blessing to those who come across my way that are experiencing what Q and I are going through now.

Although the desire to be a mom is very strong right now, I'm thankful for the waiting time. I am comforted with the thought that God loves me no matter what. He knows the desires of our hearts. God has a purpose for us as a couple right now and that is to continue to glorify and serve Him with our lives. 

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." Psalm 37:4

I wanted to share this with all of you because it's good for my heart. I want to help and encourage those who find themselves in the same situation or in a similar one. Waiting is hard, but knowing that God's ways our best helps us get through circumstances like this.

"For the Lord our God is a sun and shield: the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11


Mary Ann said...

Thanks for sharing, Theo. I didn't realize you had been through such a difficult situation. I'm praying for you & Q today!

lizzykristine @ Uplifted Eyes said...

I'm so sorry -- I guess I started reading your blog after last year's events. But I know exactly what you mean; I've been there a few times, too.

But the waiting is good. The Lord is helping me to find joy in His choices, slowly but surely. :)

Erin said...

Thanks so much for sharing, Theo. God is so good and gives us the grace we need through difficult times.

Theo-Ann said...

Thanks, ladies, for your prayers and words of encouragement. God is good--all the time. Have a blessed day!

Tania said...

Thanks for sharing. I didn't know you had been through that either, but my heart aches for you. That was so touching to read and brought tears to my eyes. It encouraged me to read your perspective and all the Lord has done in you because of it. I pray the Lord blesses you with a baby in His time. You both will make wonderful parents.

Theo-Ann said...

Thanks so much, Tania.:) We are hopeful that with having had this past surgery that it will help things along and I'll be able to carry a baby to full term. We know that God is in control of it all, so we rest in Him. I'll keep you posted in the future. Thanks for your prayers.

Anonymous said...

With your love for children, you Theo would make the best Mom in the world, I know in the right time God will bless you with child:) Keep on in faith!